Admittedly, I am a sap for the American Idol program. Call me what you will, I don't care. It is a guilty pleasure of mine. Go on, it's ok for you to admit it too. For those of you across the pond, it's a knockoff of Pop Idol which I guess is called X Factor over there now, where Simon also sits at the judging table.
However, my motives aren't exactly innocent. They are quite sinister.
Clearly, Simon is the star of the show. With every word he utters, he can make or break the young wanna-bes, er I mean hopefuls. And the more demeaning the criticism, the harder I laugh.
Sometimes he's the only one in the room that's blasting the contestant, but clearly he's not the one that's off the reservation.
Of course there's also Paula "Big Softie" Abdul. Keep an eye on her and her semi-sober or semi-drugged state, it is amusing. Also in the past two episodes, has she fired her hair and makeup artist? She looks like her age is catching up with her. Either that or she's letting her eyebrows grow out, they're looking absolutely bushy. She's been struggling of late to say anything that makes sense. She makes less sense than a stutterer lately. T-t-t-t-today Junior! Please Paula, get some help. Actually I take that back, don't get help so we can laugh at you more mercilessly as the days go on.
And then there's Randy "Yo Dawg Middle of the Road" Jackson. Not as soft as Paula and not as hardcore as Simon. You do your thing Randy as I wait for the real star of the program.
Back to Simon. I don't know if he's slipping lately, his criticisms seem to be very repetitive. His usual repertoire is as follows:
- too cabaret
- too karaoke
- like a lounge singer in some ghastly airport somewhere
- you have the personality of a pencil
- dreadful
- karaoke
- personality of a pen salesman
- cabaret
- lounge singer
- karaoke
You get the idea. Simon, go ask Nigel and Piers for some better more original put-downs. I'm sure Ann Robinson from The Weakest Link is still around as well. But still, job well done. I can't wait till you make the first contestant cry this season. You'll find me on the floor then.
Ok, I'm all done with my Perez Hilton impression, however close to the truth it is.
10 comments:
Perez Hilton is over here at the moment and I have no idea who he is except that his hair is orange.
I'm actually in love with Simon Cowell. I often wear high waisted trousers to feel closer to him.
Celebrity blogger and general all around smart ass. www.perezhilton.com cut and paste i'm too lazy to tag.
I feel closer to Simon when I where generic plain grey or black shirts. Although his cost hundreds more than mine, I'm sure. I'm not in love but yeah, he's brilliant.
I just can't watch that show...I feel so bad for the wanna-be singers.
I guess I need to toughen up somehow...how does one do that? Maybe I should ask Sparkle, she seems to be giving out some excellent advice today.
Plus it's on CTV for you folks, which if I remember correctly, you consider rubbish except for Corner Gas. Yes, go ask Sparkle, er I mean the American Housekeeping Book.
Do you think there is a Canadian Housekeeping Book? Not like you folks need a lesson in common sense, but just sayin'.
Yes! CTV is rubbish! Though I think I found another show worth watching on there...can't for the life of me remember what it was now.
Guess it wasn't that good after all, huh?
And now I'm off to ask Sparkle how I toughen up.
Stephen, I watch the trainwreck auditions sometime with Ciera, but other than that, not a fan.
Cowell is one smart, rich man, though. You could do worse for a role model.
Mine is Manny.
I'm hopeless.
Uh, so I've been having a little identity crisis with the American Housekeeping Book. But, it was SO nice to have answers (well, kinda)for a change.
Anyhoo, I feel bad for the contestants, too. At the same time, I wish that Dr. Smith from Lost in Space was there, dealing out alliterative disses (Bubble-Headed Booby!). That's a little pull and tug within me.
Manny? Role model? Why not!!! I love the Manny.
Sparkle, I love the Manny too!
Just not too sure if he's who I should be modeling my life after.
He has TWO son's named Manny, Jr. after all.
I finally gave in & started watching Idol this season. What with the strike taking away all new tv at the one time of year that I don't have sports to watch. Simon makes me laugh but if he says another performance is too cabaret, I may have to smack him. I do have to wask *what* is going on with his hair though?! That is one bad haircut. I do have to say that the rocker nurse needs to go because everything she sings sounds the same. And I need that little diva boy to get kicked to the curb too.
I am seriously embarrassed that I can discuss this show...
Remember a time maybe 7 years back and beyond, earlier, an epoch where musicians and singers via a thing called talent and hard work made their own music and were discovered by real people called agents who knew real talent. Simon C. is lucky to be where he is but all you need to do is look at what is out there to see how he has cashed in, in the age of musical MTV based mediocrity. Simon with your money go dress with respect of your show and get a decent haircut already....and realize in the real world out of television you would not last a New York second....
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