The Email

I mentioned back in January that there were several n00bs and temps who are taking quality parking spaces. I don't really know most of them and I don't really care to know them to be completely honest. However everyone in my department (and our office location) received this lovely piece of spam that I wanted to share with you to be ridiculed.

It comes from our temp receptionist who we'll call LL (not Cool J, but about as dumb as Lindsay Lohan). She's in her 60s, has a huge hunchback, is about 4'10", is testy on the phones and with the rest of us regular employees, has the mind of a child and enjoys doing children's large piece 300-piece puzzles during her breaks.

So she sends us this juicy little morsel just inviting us to pounce:

I brought in puzzles so anyone who wanted to relax and to put them together could.

I would greatly appreciate it if the person who is tearing down the puzzles would not do so. Many staff members enjoy working on them during our lunches and breaks.

After I found one torn down early this morning and the pieces placed in the box, I put up a sign asking that the puzzles be left intact. Then I started it over again. When I went back this afternoon on my break, I found it torn down again. The puzzle pieces were placed back in the box. Please let us have our breaks as we wish.

Thank you.

Ok, it wasn't me who did it, but believe me I thought of doing it. Now she's just opened herself up for us smart-asses to fuck with her head. Only one person came forward and defended her, someone very nice. Aww isn't that sweet.

Happy Weekend! Here's the Friday video...

Greenwich Meme Time

I usually don't do these things but I thought I'd give it a go this one time. This meme comes from Dawn. Call this an apology for teasing her with Julio Lugo's photo in this morning's post - Now that I know that he's her least favorite player on the Sox I just had to make a little jab over it...

1. What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Several favorites, I can't have just one: Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia, Chunky Monkey, Cookie Dough, Chubby Hubby, Everything But The...; Moose Tracks, Neapolitan, anything Vanilla with peanut butter cup (none of that peanut butter flavor ice cream though, it has to be vanilla).

2. What shampoo do you use?
Garnier Fructis. Occasionally Thermogena T-Gel.

3. How do you like your eggs?
Over easy (very easy - so glad I've mastered the technique now), scrambled, deviled.

4. What's the first thing you do when you get online?
At Work- Stream music at BBC 6 Music. At Home- Check email, then go to Facebook.

5. What is your favorite tv show?
National Treasures: Treasures of the Trust and National Trust Gardens. Usually the first thing I watch after DVRing them, I will drop everything to watch these.

6. Which do you prefer, the sunrise or the sunset?
Sunrise. Everything's so much more peaceful, most people are still asleep. I can take it in alone in its full glory.

7. When is the last time you went to the mall?
A couple of weeks ago. As I get older, I find that I hate the mall more and more.

8. What was the last food that you ate?
Leftover Kentucky Fried Chicken: Breast and a wing, extra crispy.

9. What is your favorite animal?
I used to really like dolphins but not so much anymore. I don't really have a favorite now.

10. Do you collect anything?
I used to collect McFarland basketball figures but not anymore now that I'm not as much of a basketball fan anymore.

Tokyo Trip Summary

photo by REUTERS/Yuriko Nakao

So what have we learned, boys and girls, from the Red Sox trip to Japan?

1. David Ortiz is still the king of cool. From appearing in a happi at the sake ceremony to appearing at a Japanese couples' wedding, he makes every appearance that much cooler. I can't get enough Big Papi in the uniform or in street clothes.

2. Anytime can be baseball time. 2 days of waking up at 6am for the games was not all that difficult for me since my normal wakeup time is usually a half hour later. Not all that much of a stretch for me. However it's the 14 F / -10 C outside with 2 foot snowbanks that fool me into believing that baseball can't be played. Maybe not around here, the great white north, but somewhere in the world baseball is being played.

3. The Sox can beat Japanese teams, easily. Winning both games with such thunderous, ravenous Japanese fans in the stands gives the Sox some cred to overcoming the jetlag and away team environments.

4. The Sox still struggle against the A's. Thankfully these 2 games, considered A's home games, were played here and not Oakland Coliseum or whatever .com has claimed the rights to the naming of the stadium there. Reports say Sox fans outnumbered A's fans 20 to one.

5. Manny Ramirez is off to a hot start. Batting .333 with 2 doubles, a HR and 5 RBIs. I know, small sample size, but still this is nothing that should be ignored, he's had plenty of slow starts.

6. Brandon Moss appeared for 2 games in lieu of perenially hurt JD Drew, and got his first Major League home run.

7. Lastly, for Dawn, a charming picture of Lugo. That's a face a mother could love.

photo by AP Photo/Shizuo Kambayashi

Catching up...

Just a couple pictures from Easter. Sierra looked very pretty in her Easter dress, although we don't go to church anymore, we dressed her up for the family dinner. The bunny brought her a tinkerbell Easter basket with tinkerbell toys, plastic toy kitchen utensils and blocks instead of candy.

Friday it snowed again (so much for being the second day of spring) and on the way into work about 3 car-lengths in front of me a pickup truck wiped out which gave me quite a fright. He was traveling quite fast in the left lane, pulled a "Dale Earnhardt" crossing traffic in the right lane, hit the guard rail head-on, bounced off and came to rest in the median of the interstate highway just before the exit I was about to get off. My vehicle was untouched and I was able to slam on the brakes and make it through, although it could have just as easily been a 6+ car pile-up. Right then after everyone had come to a halt a 20-25 foot diesel truck came barrelling through, narrowly missing the pickup truck which already had its front bumper smashed off.

To make up for the loss of Friday's post, here's the Friday Video. My workload at the job has increased so apologies for the relative inactivity, but essentially I'm pretty overwhelmed now with work. Right, here's Black Kids with "I'm Not Going To Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance"

There are addictions to feed and mouths to pay

Yes, cheesy lyrics from the lovely Jewel. But hey, would Huey Lewis' I want a new drug have been better?

That new addiction is Facebook. There the link is down and to the right. If you're already on go ahead and send me a request to friend. If not, why the hell aren't you on there? Everyone's doing it. Nothing like a little peer pressure. I'm just getting started as of 36 hours ago, so 19 friends isn't really all that much yet. Go ahead, you know you want to.

Fun with South Park

As demonstrated by David'Z Rantz and Lois Lane, this website has the goods on making your own South Park character. Very addicting, so many options to choose from. So here's my shot at it.Me in my 20s having way too much fun, know what I mean?

Now in my 30s I'm a bit more straight-laced and responsible. Or am I?

Recent Movies I've Seen

This Is England - Fantastic story, great soundtrack featuring 80s ska bands i.e. Madness. Acting was brilliant, realistic, believable. 4 stars.

August Rush - Disappointing. It has some great actors (Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Keri Russell) save Robin Williams who seems like he's reprising his Peter Pan role except with a greedy twist. I realize it's supposed to be all about the music and it seems to be a new breed of movie making much in the vein of Across the Universe and Moulin Rouge, but August Rush is a poor man's version of this type of musical. 1.5 stars.

Dan in Real Life - Lovely American family depiction of a widower and his three daughters on an extended family retreat in New England. A must-see. 4 stars.

Hey Ya!

To whet your appetite for the big birthday video, I made this little shorty. Just over a minute, sound on, off you go.

Friday Friday Friday

In honor of winning an award for superior animation this week, I give you The Chemical Brothers' The Salmon Dance. No turkeys or rugs were abused in this video, but possibly some fish and bears or people. I don't know, for some reason my employer's server is running impossibly slow today so I can't preview the video and vouch for its safeness, so enter at your own risk. I do not assume responsibility if you are offended by the content, hence furthermore enjoy. It is a kick-ass tune. Sammy the Salmon, take it away...

Hold On

I could see the terror in its eyes, begging pleadingly not to die. As I applied my foot to the brake, I did with such fervor and gusto like never before. Tires squealed and the vehicle skidded slightly askew. There it was, in the middle of my travelling lane. It had jumped from the snowbank over the rail onto the frozen asphalt.

***

I got the car up to 50 after passing through the village and entering into the countryside once again. Up ahead just on the right were three wild turkeys just hanging out on a snowbank on the side of the road. One either brave or stupid turkey which was of good solid size decided to challenge my brakes. This was the eventful part of my commute this morning.

What the ...?

Yay! I finally got my cookies! Now the trick is not to eat them all before noon this morning.

Anywho, today's story. Gather round children, this one's a doozy. This is one of those headscratchers that make you say what the ...? (or as the kids say in text these days OMG WTF.)

So nature calls while I'm at work. Ok stop it, that's not where I'm going with this. I go to the lavatory and... what's this?

A little bit of background is in order. There are two lavatories side by side close to my department. One of them has a shower in it which is handi-accessible, the other has a more comfortable seat. Both of them have windows that open up to the parking lot. They happen to be on the first floor located right next to the FRONT DOOR.

Where was I? Ah yes, so I open the door and... aarrrgghh, the sunlight is blinding me! Someone pulled up the shades in the bathroom! What's that? It's the UPS truck pulling up only 10 feet away and nothing between me and the reliable uniformed driver but a pane of glass. He can look in just as easily as I can look out. I close the blinds and nervously... well, you know.

Now why would anyone open up the blinds while doing their business? Do they have some *equipment* that they're extremely proud of? Is one of my co-workers a shameless exhibitionist just hoping to get caught in the act?

I've come to find out the culprit. He's the same guy who leaves the toilet seat up (apologies ladies, I actually can't stand this as much as you), the same guy who doesn't wash his hands afterwards, the same guy who picks his nose before shaking your hand. And he's a highly ranking exec in the company. Apparently money doesn't necessarily buy you manners.

Now that the baseball regular season is almost here, I want to remind you all:

Everyone hates a tourist, especially when it's all just a laugh

I was going to do a whiny blog today about how Mother Nature is an Ice-hole after stepping in one today and falling on my knees on the ice and the time that it took to scrape the windshields and car windows. But I'm not.

Instead I'm sharing with you my plans and all of the touristy things if I'm ever blessed with enough cash to take a month-long holiday in Great Britain.

Day 1

• Arrive at Heathrow
• Take the tube into Central London to hotel
• Try to contact Surviving Grady mate and author of Borrowed Philosophy for a pint at the pub

Day 2

• London Eye
• Globe Theatre
• Tower Bridge
• Tower of London

Day 3

• Westminster and Whitehall to Trafalgar Square (Big Ben, Parliament, 10 Downing St)
• Picadilly Circus
• Oxford Circus
• British Museum, time permitting

Day 4

• Abbey Road
• Notting Hill
• Putney - search for Cromwell's pub (ok I know it probably doesn't exist any longer 500 years on and all - maybe I'll settle for a nice curry while there)

Day 5

• Take the tube back to Heathrow, rent a car
• Drive to Windsor- Windsor Palace
• Stop in Slough to take photo of office building from The Office

Day 6

• Up the A413 to Aylesbury
• Search Hartwell cemetery for grave of Sir Richard Ingoldsby
• Back on the A413 to Buckingham
• Seek out if Lethenborough Manor (Lenborough Manor) still stands
• contact Jayne and pop into a pub for a pint

Day 7

• A421 to A428 to Cambridge
• Cambridgey stuff (walking around the campus, punting on the Cam, Oliver Cromwell artifacts)

Well, that's it for the first week, tune in again and I'll cover the next seven days sometime soon.

Webcam Fun

Just a bit of fun with the webcam. I'm trying it out for the first time as it's built-in to this laptop. Pretty handy, and no, I'm not going to turn it into one of those pay sites. Even if I did, the niche market would be so small, but I'm not going there. How did I get on this tangent? Balls.

So yeah I was quiet round these parts yesterday. I was in car mechanic hell for the good portion of Friday morning. I go in for new tires and and inspection, I come back with new ball joints and spend more than twice the time and money of what I thought it was going to be. Great, there goes our vacation fund. Good thing I took the whole day off yesterday and not just half a day, I never would have made it in time. Plus all the errands we had to run in the afternoon, well I guess it's just life.

Also Boston lost yesterday, killed 12-2. Good thing Spring Training is only for exhibition. But it's good to tell that Julian Tavarez is only good for 2 innings, once around the lineup.

Being that I skipped a Friday post, there is no Friday Dance Video this week. I'm debating with myself whether or not I should scrap it as a bad idea. Since this is a Blogocracy, I will have a poll up on the right, you have until Thursday 13 March to vote.

Happy Weekend friends!

Now Playing at a Theatre Near You

The Story of Hillary Rodham Clinton, as portrayed by Diane Keaton.

Lots of shrieking. Lots of cackling. Lots of cankles. Lots of lies. Lots of phony slickness. If you thought Bill was slick, Hillary is no better.

Please don't let this happen. Texas, Ohio, and Rhode Island, shame on you.

Thank you fellow Vermonters, we did our part. Including myself.

As a sidenote, on the local ballot here in my town was a Steve McQueen. He should win in a landslide just by name recognition alone.

::imagining Steve McQueen riding a motorcycle all over the fields of my town like he did in The Great Escape::

However I voted for the other guy, I figured he'd need some help - also named Steve. We're everywhere. I work with 2 other guys with that name, and I'm listening to a DJ also with the same name. Steves of the world, unite!

Also how fitting yesterday that I got an email reply from my Senator, Bernie Sanders. Here it is:

Thank you for contacting me with your support for H.R. 676, the United
States National Health Insurance Act. I appreciate the opportunity to respond to
your concerns on this important issue.

H.R. 676 would offer coverage to millions of Americans and their families under the Medicare system and begin to bring our ever-increasing health care costs under control. Specifically, the bill would expand the Medicare program to include primary care, in patient and outpatient care, emergency care, prescription drugs, medical equipment, long-term care, mental-health services dental coverage, eye care, chiropractic and substance abuse treatment, while allowing individuals to select their physicians, providers, hospitals, clinics and practices.

You will be pleased to know that I was a co-sponsor of this legislation
during the 109th Congress. Last year, it was reintroduced in the House of
Representatives. I believe that the American people have waited too long for a
change in our national priorities and that the state of health care in this
country is a national disgrace. You should know that I also continue to ask to
give states the authority and the resources to create a universal program. I
believe that a state-administered program will create a more responsive system
and will do so more quickly than a single federally-administered
system.

Again, thank you for contacting me about this important
issue. Feel free to contact me again in the future about this or any other
subject of interest to you, or for up-to-date information on what my office is
working on please visit http://www.sanders.senate.gov. While there,
I invite you to sign up for my e-newsletter, the Bernie Buzz, at http://sanders.senate.gov/buzz/. Please be aware that due to
security screening procedures, postal mail to my office experiences delays that
will lengthen the time it takes me to get back to you. The fastest way to
contact my office is by calling 1-800-339-9834.

Sincerely,

BERNARD SANDERS
United States Senator

[edited 2:18pm 3/5/08 - Cookie update: I'm being told possibly next tuesday now, but to keep my fingers crossed. -SD]

Advice Time: Don't Take the Free Stuff

Just trust me on this. You need to resist. Don't do it. You'll be sorry.

So I come into work this morning, put my lunch in the fridge.

What's this I see? A Fruit2O with a sign saying 'For Anyone'.

I pick it up - it's Tropical Serenity flavor. Whatever that is.

I open the top, take a swig, I can barely get it down.

"This is horse piss" is the first thing that came out of my mouth, like a reflex.

I proceed to dump it and recycle the bottle because that's about all it's good for.

So the next time you see something for free or for anyone, let the other guy take it. You don't want it. Trust me on this one.

Random Updatia in no particular order

• No girl scout cookies yet
• Mrs.' mp3 player is still on the fritz despite supposed repair
• Cleared up paperwork with You Floss Boo Field
• We owe nothing more on this visit
• Phone agent was exceedingly and suprisingly helpful and nice
• Red Sox lost again today
• Mrs. made brownies
• I made some kick ass steak tacos
• Carpool girl stayed home sick so I drove by myself
• Forgot wallet at home
• Antiques Roadshow was a rerun
• Family Guy it is!
• Still no girl scout cookies yet
• Hit tons of potholes on my commute
• Played chase with Sierra
• She giggled a lot
• It didn't rain today
• It was shockingly warm also